From the Mind of an Extroverted-Introvert: 5 Tips For Introverts On How To Handle Conflict Well

introvert girl siting on bed

My name’s Leighann. I am an extro-introvert. And conflict is hard.

First of all, yes–extroverted introverts DO exist! Secondly, as an extro-introvert, conflict has always been that one, nerve-wracking subject that I’ve always tried to skirt around. It’s just not easy for me. And don’t get me wrong– I know extroverts struggle with conflict too. This short list of tips is really for everyone–so, no discrimination.

Roommates. Friends. Teachers. Bosses. Family.

If you, at any stage of your life have interacted with any of the above, you my friend have experienced conflict. And if you haven’t–or just think you haven’t – you should read on.

If you, at any stage of your life have interacted with any of the above, you my friend have experienced conflict. And if you haven't - or just think you haven't - you should read on... Click To Tweet

1. Have a support system behind you.

Have you ever tried to handle conflict on your own? And, how did that work out for you?

Mmhmm, that’s what I thought.

While I commend your bravery and willingness to go it alone, I think there might be a better way to work around this whole ‘addressing it’ thing. Talk to some people you trust and admire (note: talk not gossip – you don’t want to aggravate the situation any further), then ask for their advice. One thing I’ve benefited from by doing this is, in most cases after talking it out with a trusted friend or loved one, you generally come away with a new perspective. Also, it helps take those initial emotional responses down a notch–you don’t want to be bursting out in tears while trying to get your point across through your whimpers, or yelling like a banshee in defense. Gather your thoughts and keep your cool.Talk it out first, because holding it in never solves anything. Which brings me to my next point…

Step one: Have a support system behind you. #IntrovertProblems Click To Tweet

2. Don’t hold it in.

I’ve done it. You’ve done it. We’ve all done it before: letting our feelings fester and emotions brew might seem like a good idea at first. But I can tell you firsthand, no good will come of it. Before I go further, I do think it’s important to check yo’self before you wreck yo’self. I mean, it’s definitely a smart decision not to fly off the cuff and go full on HULK with your emotions in order to get your point and feelings across. But at the same time, you don’t want to sit with those icky feelings for too long. It’s not going to help you in the long run, and it certainly won’t help your situation. Sit with it long enough for you to understand why you were left feeling the way you feel, but don’t let those pesky feelings stay stagnant.

Step two: Don't hold it in. #IntrovertProblems Click To Tweet

3. Think of what dealing with this situation means to you.

Depending on the situation, you might find yourself wondering is it even worth it to bring it upWell, maybe not. For instance, if you get cut off on the freeway driving 70 MPH, it’s safe to say that you should probably let that one slide rather than trying to avenge yourself by speeding up and cutting that person off for a short-lived feeling of accomplishment (but of course, you’ve never done that before). But what about if your conflict is with a good friend? Or your boss? Or a family member? Ask yourself this: what’s it worth to you?

Bottom line is: if it’s not worth it, don’t do it.

Maybe you can live with this minor or major rift in the relationship. But, maybe you can’t. And if you can’t, you need to find some courage and just do it.

Step three: Think of what dealing with this situation means to you. #IntrovertProblems Click To Tweet


4. Be clear, concise and honest.

Okay, you’ve made it. You finally decided to confront them about it. Good for you, my friend! This is a crucial step. Maybe even a defining moment in your life, depending on who you’re speaking with or what the situation is concerning.

Don’t panic. You’re here because you’ve decided that you can’t go on without addressing it, and that alone means something. Obviously, you have given this some considerable thought and (if you’ve been paying attention) you might have even been able to speak to someone about what you might say beforehand. Whatever you do, remember that you are here because you care about what happens to this relationship. Keeping this in mind can help you to refocus if the conversation gets tense (take some deep breaths) or hostile (uncurl your fists, dude). When you speak, make sure to do it in a way that is–

Clear: What happened, from your perspective? How did it make you feel after it happened? PRO TIP: this is where using I statements comes in handy. 

Concise: We get it, you’re upset. But we don’t need to know about how you were so upset you went home and ate an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s that night. While potentially a necessary coping strategy, these small details will not help your case. Get to and make your point. Leave out the fluffy stuff because that’s not what you’re here to talk about.

Honest: You’ve made it this far. You’re about to be real. No sense in holding back the truth now! Don’t be unnecessarily harsh, if you can help it–but, let’s be real: sometimes the truth hurts. Just tell them the truth–they’re here aren’t they? It’s only fair that you give them the chance to hear you out.

Step four: Be clear, concise and honest when dealing with conflict. #IntrovertProblems Click To Tweet

girl wearing denim jeans on white bed

5. Listen

Maybe it’s just me, but being the extroverted-introvert that I am, listening comes pretty natural for me.

You’ve said what you needed to, yeah? Good. Now, it’s their turn.

From my experience, this can be the pièce de résistance for the entire conversation. You might find that they have a completely different perspective from which they saw the issue or conflict, and it might shock you to know that’s how they interpreted it. You might even find out they were insulted or hurt by you! And to think, you were doubting having this conversation in the first place–you smart-cookie, you.

Step five: Listen. You might find that they have a completely different perspective from which they saw the issue or conflict. #IntrovertProblems Click To Tweet

We can learn a lot about ourselves through conflict. Dealing with conflict is essential to our growth and can truly deepen our relationships with others, if we let it.

Dealing with conflict can deepen our relationships with others, if we allow it. #IntrovertProblems Click To Tweet

Yes, the truth is scary and yes, standing up for yourself can seem beyond hard, but I promise you’ll come out of this feeling 1,000x better than if you’d just bottled it up! Trust me.

Fellow introverts, what do you think?

What other advice do you have for dealing with conflict?

Some take away verses: 

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be
quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
James 1:19


“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Proverbs 15:1

This post also appears on


Twenty-something, lover of Jesus. I like animals (esp. dogs), Fun-Fetti cupcakes and yoga. I love God and do my best to love others. I hate too-warm weather and socks that fall into your shoes when you walk. I'm a huge fan of Christian rap and cold, sunny days.

Previous Post
March 16, 2018
Next Post
March 16, 2018


  • Tisha

    The last step is definitely the most important in my opinion. I’m guilty of attempting to confront someone about an issue when in reality all I really wanted to do was get my feelings off my chest- I was never too concerned by the fact that they may have seen things differently. Great post as always! Definitely has me thinking about the topic some more!

    • Leighann


      Thanks so much, Tisha–I appreciate you reading and I am guilty of the same, my friend! Hope these tips are helpful for you!

  • Chloé Jessica

    I can 100% relate to this! Being an extrov-interovert can be super hard at times, i completely agree with all of these tips in relation to handling cnonflict! Great post x


    • Leighann


      A fellow extra-introvert! Yes, it can be hard at times, but we CAN do it. Thanks for reading, Chloé!

  • Jade

    Completly agree with these! I always try and make sure that I have someone with me, I can’t cope otherwise!xx

    Jade |

    • Leighann


      Thanks, Jade–yes, having someone support you before going into a conversation that could get messy, is essential!

  • Jennifer

    I can definitely relate to this post. I found that the first two points interlink, because I hate conflict and try to talk it out with friends before I react to something, but then it leads into holding it in, because sometimes I feel the issue is petty or just better off if I don’t face the problem. I always try to take a deep breath to allow myself time to think about how to react, as like you said, if it isn’t worth it, then just let it go! Definitely enjoyed reading this post, it helps me to internalise some thoughts!

    Jenny x

    • Leighann


      Wow, great reflections on this, Jenny! Thanks so much for reading, I’m glad you were able to take something away from this post!

  • Sophie

    ‘don’t hold it in’ is defintiely the one I most relate to, but all of these are amazing points, thanks for sharing I really enjoyed this- x

    • Leighann


      Same here, friend! Thanks so much for reading, Sophie!

  • Kate Sinclair

    Great tips. I’m an introvert and tend to turn conflict inwards and let it eat me up which is definitely not a good strategy!!

    • Leighann


      Thanks so much for reading, Kate! I do the same–hopefully we’ll continue to learn the importance of letting go and reaching out.

  • Jessica

    I LOVE this! It’s so true that we can be a little bit of both! Your blog is beautiful and so easy to follow along!

    • Leighann


      Thank you so much, Jessica! That means so much–and I definitely agree–I am BOTH and am slowly learning how to navigate it one day at a time.

Leave a Reply


  • If you’re looking for something to do around @CityofAtlanta, then I suggest you take a trip to the @HighMuseumofArt in Midtown! Last week, I had the chance to visit the Winnie-the-Pooh: Exploring a Classic exhibit and today, I’m sharing my experience #ontheblog! ⠀ ⠀
This particular exhibit will only be at the museum for another two weeks, so if you’re around the ATL area or just looking for a reason to go there, you should definitely check out the High Museum and experience the whimsy for yourself. ⠀ ⠀
For now, check out my own adventures through the Hundred-Acre Wood via the link in my bio! Who’s your favorite Winnie-the-Pooh character? Mine’s Eeyore—he’s so extra.
  • 𝒹𝒶𝓎 18 𝑜𝒻 31

Obsession. I like to say photography is my love language—I have no idea what that means, but it sounds nice, right? I’m obsessed with taking pictures and learning more about composition, editing and trying new things with my little @canonusa baby. *accidentally deleted my post from yesterday—so here it is again*
  • This is not a drill—it’s a GIVEAWAY! 
Meet Kayla (@kayzilch). Though we’ve met just recently, I immediately recognized her as a kindred spirit (she’s also a Type-4 Enneagram)! Her writing is real, authentic and delves into an array of important topics such as mental health, identity, faith and much more on her blog @tobetruth_. She’s also working to become a certified yoga teacher and is passionate about her work as a freelance writer! 
Meet Meghan (@meghantschanz). I’ve never met a woman so determined and passionate about creating authentic community and tackling tough topics. She’s not afraid to go there and start conversations about real-world issues like sex- and labor-trafficking around the world, feminism (or lack thereof) within the church and equality for ALL. She’s currently working on securing a book deal, with the goal of empowering women around the globe to recognize their influence in society and their ability to make the world a more equal place. 
These women are doing some amazing things and I’m honestly just excited to come along for the ride. I believe in us, the work we’ve been called to do and I hope, after learning more about us, you will too. To celebrate and continue advocating for causes we believe in, we’re doing a giveaway with @causebox. 
Here’s where you come in:

1. Give this post a (♡) double tap.

2. Go follow @meghantschanz & @kayzilch.

3. After you’ve done both of those things, come back here and tag two women whose life, work and friendship you believe in! 
The prize is a summer-themed @causebox valued at $300, packed full of small-batch, sustainable and ethically created gifts made by women and small businesses around the world. 
Winner will be announced Friday (8/24) morning at 10am EST!
  • 𝒹𝒶𝓎 17 𝑜𝒻 31

Blue. I’ve been looking for a way to fill my ginormous (at least it seems that way) white living room wall. Every time I thought I knew how I wanted to decorate that space, I changed my mind suddenly, determined that there had to be a better way to fill the empty 

I didn’t know this about me before, but it hit me one day, as my parents were helping me unpack my stuff in my new place. My mom began asking me what I’d like my new place to look like, rug colors, mat textures, wall—fixtures and all. I am no good at decorating. Like, I had no idea how to put a space together. I’ve never been on my own before and the idea of having to decide how my space would be...mine, freaked me out. 
But then, little by little I found some pieces that I didn’t hate, and started to put them together. And yesterday, I stumbled upon these little treasures at Marshall’s. I couldn’t resist the ocean hues and beach vibes. I knew it was meant to be. 
All that to say, for anyone else struggling to put your place together after either never having to do it before #livingsingle or maybe putting the pieces of your life back together after a breakup or split—take your time. It will all come together eventually and it will look amazing. And before you know it, it will start to look, like you. ttys
  • 𝒹𝒶𝓎 16 𝑜𝒻 31

Hot. No, it’s not what you think. As a matter of fact, when I first saw this picture I was horrified. I saw all that was wrong with my body, my hair and my skin—ugh. 
But you know what? No one’s perfect. And thank God I don’t have to be. Plus, my body was/is working just fine, my hair was moisturized, and my skin was poppin’. Trying to shift my moments of self-doubt and body-consciousness to thankfulness and positive self-talk. 
Also, the day this was taken was HOT, so it still counts towards today’s #augusteyecandy.

I don’t know if anyone’s told you today, but you’re made splendidly and you couldn’t be more perfect than you are right now—yes, even in this heat with your mascara running down your face. ttys 
S/O to @kayzilch and/or her awesome fiancé, Michael for this pic 📸
  • 𝒹𝒶𝓎 14 𝑜𝒻 31

It’s crazy to think that I’ve actually posted one picture on IG for TWO weeks straight. Especially considering all that’s been going on around me: moving back across the country for school, moving into my new place, actually starting school, remembering how to (somewhat) adult—throw in a little bit of anxiety, and you’ve got yourself the past two weeks of my life. 
All that to say—we made it, folks. We made it to today. And that is enough. You’re doing great—ttys

Follow Me!