Lessons Learned

Being Single Doesn’t Have To Suck

Being Single Doesn't Have to Suck
Part of the Single Woman’s Blogging Challenge
Check out part one & two here.

Oh, singleness. Sorry for bagging on you all the time. The truth is, you’re not so bad after all. Here’s why being single doesn’t have to suck.

For one, I’m not the only single person on the entire planet (shocker). But seriously, sometimes being single can feel that way. Especially when Valentine’s Day rolls around–or Christmas day, or New Years Eve–or even, Arbor Day. 

Point is–some days, it’s harder to be single. 

But then, as I think about it, there are those days when my singleness is actually great. Those are the days when I realize just how thankful I am that the Lord has me in this season. 


I have the time to hang out with all of my friends–and get to know new ones.

Being Single Doesn't Have to Suck

Especially since I’ve been preparing to move, this perk has been an obvious one. As a twenty-something, navigating (hopefully somewhat effectively) post-college life has been…tricky, to say the least. It’s like this weird place in life where you’re not completely friendless because, college was a good place to form long-lasting and impactful relationships. But now you’re out of college and everyone’s moved back home, or moved away.

For me, this time has been such a rich season where I’ve met some of the most beautiful (inside and out) people and had the chance to get to know them each on a deeper level. With it just being me to worry about, I can spend time with my friends and do so without feeling guilty for not spending or sharing my time with a significant other. In other words: I don’t have to share my time with anybody else or prioritize another person’s feelings about it.

I don't have to worry about being held accountable for the potential needs of a significant other. Click To Tweet

I can move anywhere, anytime.

Case and point: in only a few, short weeks I make my first big girl move over to the East Coast. Deciding to attend graduate school out of state was honestly a far away dream of mine for the past two years. One that I didn’t truly believe would come to fruition any time soon.

But here we are folks.

I’m basically moved in already. Well, not quite–but you get the point.

I’m moving away, far away from California. And I don’t have to deliberate this decision with anyone else besides myself and the Lord. I can move away and do so without being concerned about another person’s needs for constant communication or closeness. While, of course I’m going to stay in contact with my family and loved ones back in Cali, and I do believe in the potential success of long distance relationships–

I don’t have to worry about being held accountable for the potential needs of a significant other or worry about how they’ll take me moving so far away.

I’m free to make this big decision on my own.

My space is exactly that…mine.

While I personally don’t believe in cohabitation with a significant other before marriage, this one still makes the list. When I think of relationships or, more specifically a new marriage, I think of a (most likely) small one-bedroom apartment with walls so thin you can hear the neighbor’s dog snoring next door. Close quarters, indeed.

As a single person, at least in this stage of my life, I relish having my own personal space.

A room of my own. A space I can come back to without having to answer to anyone, especially on those funky, moody days. And as an extro-introvert, I often find myself needing space to sort out the events and emotions of the day. With the space to myself, I can even sit on my laptop for hours watching Disneyland ride walk-throughs, reading Archie comics or squeal weirdly over cute animal videos without shame.

I’m just saying…perks, people.

...her relationship with the Lord had changed in her lack of time available to sit quietly with Him. Click To Tweet

I have all the time with the Lord I could want. 

I’ve learned that marriage changes things. You’re probably like, uh, duh–I know, but bear with me.

In marriage, there are many joys and beautiful moments that a couple has the opportunity to experience. But as with everything, it’s not perfect. A married friend once spoke to me, affirming this to be true. She explained to me that her relationship with the Lord changed when she got married. And it continues to change as she experiences a new journey as a mother.

One of the ways she noticed her relationship with the Lord had changed was in her lack of time available to sit quietly with Him.

As a mommy and wife, it was already hard–nay, impossible enough for her to get some quiet time to herself. Let alone having the time enough to sit down with a cup of tea and dig into the Word. I’ve heard this story many times. And I have to constantly remind myself of this opportunity that I have right now as a single person. The truth is, I have all the time in the world to dedicate to the Lord. Paul makes his case for this as well in 1 Corinthians chapter 7.

“…and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”

1 Corinthians 7:34-35


All this to say–I’ve finally been able (by the grace of God) to see my singleness as a gift in many ways. Singleness is a gift to be cherished and not wasted.

Use your time wisely to glorify the Lord with your life as is. Whether you’re married or otherwise–trust me, it will all be worth it. 

What about you?

Do/did you see your singleness as a gift?

Share with me in the comments below!

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10 Comments
Leighann

Twenty-something, lover of Jesus. I like animals (esp. dogs), Fun-Fetti cupcakes and yoga. I love God and do my best to love others. I hate too-warm weather and socks that fall into your shoes when you walk. I’m a huge fan of Christian rap and cold, sunny days.

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10 Comments

  • Cora

    PREACH! I have been single for most of my adult life and truly believe the sterotypes of singledom need to be turned on their heads. Have you read “Spinster”? It’s a great book about the empowering choice to live as a single woman instead of always feeling incomplete without a partner. Love this!
    – Cora

    • Leighann

      Leighann

      I haven’t heard about that book actually, but it sounds like an interesting read – I’ll add it to my list! Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts and recommendation, Cora!

  • Selina Almodovar | Christian Relationship Blogger & Coach

    So spot on!! I work with Christian single women for a living and they always focus on the. What I’ve, but for me (and what I aim to encourage) is that your season of singleness could end up becoming one of your most life-changing seasons eve, BECAUSE you make those friends, BECAUSE you can travel and explore the world, and BECAUSE you can get closer to God than ever before!! I know I did when I was single and because of it, I was able to prepare my heart and develop the maturity I needed to become a wife, mother, Blogger, everything else!!

    You’re absolutely right!! Great, great post!!

    • Leighann

      Leighann

      Thank you so much, Selina – I am so encouraged to hear that! It’s been and still is a journey for me and I still have my “struggle-bus” days where I just want the relationship. Thankfully God is good and patient with me. He’s taught me so much, especially as I grapple with this area of my life. Can’t wait to see what He does next. I appreciate you reading and look forward to checking out your blog!

  • Ken Hanaya

    I want to seriously commend you Leighann for recognizing the advantages of being single. I can remember a time when that was a reality for me yet at 38 years now I felt as though I took it for granted. Not only being married and have kids now I don’t have the ability to get up and move when i want or have that so-called “My Space”. Whatever you do moving forward, cherish what you have now. Awesome job…keep up the good work.

    • Leighann

      Leighann

      Thanks so much, Ken! I really appreciate your insights and encouragement. It can be hard to see the beauty of a season when my mind is clouded with doubt and comparison, but by God’s grace, He’s shown me His blessings through it all. Thank you so much for reading!

  • Mariah

    Oh my gosh! Yes! When I lived in South Carolina it was pretty sucky to be single, especially when almost all of my friends were in a relationship, engaged or married. but when I moved to Hawaii, I definitely realized how being single is not so bad and learned to embrace it and have fun.

    • Leighann

      Leighann

      Thanks so much for sharing, Mariah! Yes, it can be hard being single in certain seasons over others. I really appreciate you reading 🙂

  • Fehintola

    Great post Leighann. As always I love your thought process when you write and how well you explain and pass your message across.
    I find singleness to be a blessing and a curse. I have good days where I thank God for this opportunity to wait on Him, focus on my career and make new friendships but there are days when I get a wedding invite from a friend or a birth announcement and I feel like I am missing out on something as I’m going to be 30 soon. on days like this I pray really hard for God’s help and his peace.

    http://www.fehintolaogunye.com/

    • Leighann

      Leighann

      Thanks so much for reading, Fehintola 🙂 I hear ya, girl – some days are definitely harder than others, but you’re right, singleness is a gift. I also get the whole “time clock” thing, but God is bigger than any restrictions, limitations and societal norms – keep putting your trust in Him and He will not fail you. I am trying to remind myself of that too.

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