From the Diary of a Single Girl: Being Single Doesn’t Have To Suck

Being Single Doesn't Have to Suck
Part of the Single Woman’s Blogging Challenge
Check out part one & two here.

Oh, singleness. Sorry for bagging on you all the time. The truth is, you’re not so bad after all. Here’s why being single doesn’t have to suck.

For one, I’m not the only single person on the entire planet (shocker). But seriously, sometimes being single can feel that way. Especially when Valentine’s Day rolls around–or Christmas day, or New Years Eve–or even, Arbor Day. 

Point is–some days, it’s harder to be single. 

But then, as I think about it, there are those days when my singleness is actually great. Those are the days when I realize just how thankful I am that the Lord has me in this season. 

I have the time to hang out with all of my friends–and get to know new ones.

Being Single Doesn't Have to Suck

Especially since I’ve been preparing to move, this perk has been an obvious one. As a twenty-something, navigating (hopefully somewhat effectively) post-college life has been…tricky, to say the least. It’s like this weird place in life where you’re not completely friendless because, college was a good place to form long-lasting and impactful relationships. But now you’re out of college and everyone’s moved back home, or moved away.

For me, this time has been such a rich season where I’ve met some of the most beautiful (inside and out) people and had the chance to get to know them each on a deeper level. With it just being me to worry about, I can spend time with my friends and do so without feeling guilty for not spending or sharing my time with a significant other. In other words: I don’t have to share my time with anybody else or prioritize another person’s feelings about it.

I don't have to worry about being held accountable for the potential needs of a significant other. Click To Tweet

I can move anywhere, anytime.

Case and point: in only a few, short weeks I make my first big girl move over to the East Coast. Deciding to attend graduate school out of state was honestly a far away dream of mine for the past two years. One that I didn’t truly believe would come to fruition any time soon.

But here we are folks.

I’m basically moved in already. Well, not quite–but you get the point.

I’m moving away, far away from California. And I don’t have to deliberate this decision with anyone else besides myself and the Lord. I can move away and do so without being concerned about another person’s needs for constant communication or closeness. While, of course I’m going to stay in contact with my family and loved ones back in Cali, and I do believe in the potential success of long distance relationships–

I don’t have to worry about being held accountable for the potential needs of a significant other or worry about how they’ll take me moving so far away.

I’m free to make this big decision on my own.

My space is exactly that…mine.

While I personally don’t believe in cohabitation with a significant other before marriage, this one still makes the list. When I think of relationships or, more specifically a new marriage, I think of a (most likely) small one-bedroom apartment with walls so thin you can hear the neighbor’s dog snoring next door. Close quarters, indeed.

As a single person, at least in this stage of my life, I relish having my own personal space.

A room of my own. A space I can come back to without having to answer to anyone, especially on those funky, moody days. And as an extro-introvert, I often find myself needing space to sort out the events and emotions of the day. With the space to myself, I can even sit on my laptop for hours watching Disneyland ride walk-throughs, reading Archie comics or squeal weirdly over cute animal videos without shame.

I’m just saying…perks, people.

...her relationship with the Lord had changed in her lack of time available to sit quietly with Him. Click To Tweet

I have all the time with the Lord I could want. 

I’ve learned that marriage changes things. You’re probably like, uh, duh–I know, but bear with me.

In marriage, there are many joys and beautiful moments that a couple has the opportunity to experience. But as with everything, it’s not perfect. A married friend once spoke to me, affirming this to be true. She explained to me that her relationship with the Lord changed when she got married. And it continues to change as she experiences a new journey as a mother.

One of the ways she noticed her relationship with the Lord had changed was in her lack of time available to sit quietly with Him.

As a mommy and wife, it was already hard–nay, impossible enough for her to get some quiet time to herself. Let alone having the time enough to sit down with a cup of tea and dig into the Word. I’ve heard this story many times. And I have to constantly remind myself of this opportunity that I have right now as a single person. The truth is, I have all the time in the world to dedicate to the Lord. Paul makes his case for this as well in 1 Corinthians chapter 7.

“…and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”

1 Corinthians 7:34-35

All this to say–I’ve finally been able (by the grace of God) to see my singleness as a gift in many ways. Singleness is a gift to be cherished and not wasted.

Use your time wisely to glorify the Lord with your life as is. Whether you’re married or otherwise–trust me, it will all be worth it. 

What about you?

Do/did you see your singleness as a gift?

Share with me in the comments below!

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Twenty-something, lover of Jesus. I like animals (esp. dogs), Fun-Fetti cupcakes and yoga. I love God and do my best to love others. I hate too-warm weather and socks that fall into your shoes when you walk. I'm a huge fan of Christian rap and cold, sunny days.

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  • Cora

    PREACH! I have been single for most of my adult life and truly believe the sterotypes of singledom need to be turned on their heads. Have you read “Spinster”? It’s a great book about the empowering choice to live as a single woman instead of always feeling incomplete without a partner. Love this!
    – Cora

    • Leighann


      I haven’t heard about that book actually, but it sounds like an interesting read – I’ll add it to my list! Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts and recommendation, Cora!

  • Selina Almodovar | Christian Relationship Blogger & Coach

    So spot on!! I work with Christian single women for a living and they always focus on the. What I’ve, but for me (and what I aim to encourage) is that your season of singleness could end up becoming one of your most life-changing seasons eve, BECAUSE you make those friends, BECAUSE you can travel and explore the world, and BECAUSE you can get closer to God than ever before!! I know I did when I was single and because of it, I was able to prepare my heart and develop the maturity I needed to become a wife, mother, Blogger, everything else!!

    You’re absolutely right!! Great, great post!!

    • Leighann


      Thank you so much, Selina – I am so encouraged to hear that! It’s been and still is a journey for me and I still have my “struggle-bus” days where I just want the relationship. Thankfully God is good and patient with me. He’s taught me so much, especially as I grapple with this area of my life. Can’t wait to see what He does next. I appreciate you reading and look forward to checking out your blog!

  • Ken Hanaya

    I want to seriously commend you Leighann for recognizing the advantages of being single. I can remember a time when that was a reality for me yet at 38 years now I felt as though I took it for granted. Not only being married and have kids now I don’t have the ability to get up and move when i want or have that so-called “My Space”. Whatever you do moving forward, cherish what you have now. Awesome job…keep up the good work.

    • Leighann


      Thanks so much, Ken! I really appreciate your insights and encouragement. It can be hard to see the beauty of a season when my mind is clouded with doubt and comparison, but by God’s grace, He’s shown me His blessings through it all. Thank you so much for reading!

  • Mariah

    Oh my gosh! Yes! When I lived in South Carolina it was pretty sucky to be single, especially when almost all of my friends were in a relationship, engaged or married. but when I moved to Hawaii, I definitely realized how being single is not so bad and learned to embrace it and have fun.

    • Leighann


      Thanks so much for sharing, Mariah! Yes, it can be hard being single in certain seasons over others. I really appreciate you reading 🙂

  • Fehintola

    Great post Leighann. As always I love your thought process when you write and how well you explain and pass your message across.
    I find singleness to be a blessing and a curse. I have good days where I thank God for this opportunity to wait on Him, focus on my career and make new friendships but there are days when I get a wedding invite from a friend or a birth announcement and I feel like I am missing out on something as I’m going to be 30 soon. on days like this I pray really hard for God’s help and his peace.

    • Leighann


      Thanks so much for reading, Fehintola 🙂 I hear ya, girl – some days are definitely harder than others, but you’re right, singleness is a gift. I also get the whole “time clock” thing, but God is bigger than any restrictions, limitations and societal norms – keep putting your trust in Him and He will not fail you. I am trying to remind myself of that too.

  • Pari

    Though I am not currently single, when I was single I enjoyed it. You can do anything you want, anytime you want! There is no one to hold you back. This opens a whole world of possibilities and adventure. Specially, I loved travelling alone. I could go anywhere without bothering about whether my partner would enjoy it or not and travel was so much cheaper 😉

    • Leighann


      Thanks so much for sharing, Pari–you’re so right. There’s so much you can do as a single and it’s time to start embracing this time for what it truly is!

  • Tiffany

    Love this post! Being single definitely has it’s benefits. You can do what you want, when you want and have nobody else to hold you back or think about. Great post x

    Tiffany x

    • Leighann


      Thanks so much, Tiffany! It certainly does–there are definitely freedoms that come with singleness. I appreciate you reading!

  • Sayanti |

    I think one of the best things about being single is that you don’t have to tell your partner about your each and every move. Most girls tend to change their lifestyle according to the likes of their partner, which I completely dislike.

    • Leighann


      That’s so true, girl! I do love the independence that comes with singleness. There’s so much freedom in it, it’s good to be reminded of that. Thanks for reading, Sayanti!

  • Victoria

    I have now met my partner and love him so much, so the single life seems distant to me. However, I do remember when I was single, because I was single for most of my adult life and I can definitely resonate with what you said. I enjoyed my singleness and agree it was a time for me to get closer to friends, and enjoy the quietness of life. I also loved that I had my own space – ah the good old days! Thanks for sharing!

    • Leighann


      Yes, totally agree with you on the whole taking time to spend with friends and family moreso in singleness! And, it is nice to have my alone time as an E(I)NFP. Thanks so much for reading, Victoria!

  • Claire @ October Rain

    I’ve been in a committed relationship for almost one and a half years after being single for years. And as much as I love my boyfriend, I do miss the times when I was single! Honestly, if I was still single, I’d be a lot richer (lol), and would probably be living overseas right now. Since being in a relationship, I have to consider Dan when I think about relocating or remember the little unofficial rules of living together, sharing common spaces, etc.

    • Leighann


      Those are definitely some perks I didn’t really think about! I’m saving currently, so hopefully if/when I meet the right person, we can both be financially secure. And for now, I’m learning the fine art of financial stability! Thanks for reading, Claire!

  • Laura

    Some very true points, to be honest I’ve always preferred the single life. There’s too much you have to declare or discuss in relationships… single life, you just do what you want with nobody to answer to! Happy days 🌹 thanks for sharing.

    • Leighann


      Thanks for sharing your perspective, Laura! It’s so true–there’s definitely a lot of freedom in singleness!

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  • 𝒹𝒶𝓎 18 𝑜𝒻 31

Obsession. I like to say photography is my love language—I have no idea what that means, but it sounds nice, right? I’m obsessed with taking pictures and learning more about composition, editing and trying new things with my little @canonusa baby. *accidentally deleted my post from yesterday—so here it is again*
  • This is not a drill—it’s a GIVEAWAY! 
Meet Kayla (@kayzilch). Though we’ve met just recently, I immediately recognized her as a kindred spirit (she’s also a Type-4 Enneagram)! Her writing is real, authentic and delves into an array of important topics such as mental health, identity, faith and much more on her blog @tobetruth_. She’s also working to become a certified yoga teacher and is passionate about her work as a freelance writer! 
Meet Meghan (@meghantschanz). I’ve never met a woman so determined and passionate about creating authentic community and tackling tough topics. She’s not afraid to go there and start conversations about real-world issues like sex- and labor-trafficking around the world, feminism (or lack thereof) within the church and equality for ALL. She’s currently working on securing a book deal, with the goal of empowering women around the globe to recognize their influence in society and their ability to make the world a more equal place. 
These women are doing some amazing things and I’m honestly just excited to come along for the ride. I believe in us, the work we’ve been called to do and I hope, after learning more about us, you will too. To celebrate and continue advocating for causes we believe in, we’re doing a giveaway with @causebox. 
Here’s where you come in:

1. Give this post a (♡) double tap.

2. Go follow @meghantschanz & @kayzilch.

3. After you’ve done both of those things, come back here and tag two women whose life, work and friendship you believe in! 
The prize is a summer-themed @causebox valued at $300, packed full of small-batch, sustainable and ethically created gifts made by women and small businesses around the world. 
Winner will be announced Friday (8/24) morning at 10am EST!
  • 𝒹𝒶𝓎 17 𝑜𝒻 31

Blue. I’ve been looking for a way to fill my ginormous (at least it seems that way) white living room wall. Every time I thought I knew how I wanted to decorate that space, I changed my mind suddenly, determined that there had to be a better way to fill the empty 

I didn’t know this about me before, but it hit me one day, as my parents were helping me unpack my stuff in my new place. My mom began asking me what I’d like my new place to look like, rug colors, mat textures, wall—fixtures and all. I am no good at decorating. Like, I had no idea how to put a space together. I’ve never been on my own before and the idea of having to decide how my space would be...mine, freaked me out. 
But then, little by little I found some pieces that I didn’t hate, and started to put them together. And yesterday, I stumbled upon these little treasures at Marshall’s. I couldn’t resist the ocean hues and beach vibes. I knew it was meant to be. 
All that to say, for anyone else struggling to put your place together after either never having to do it before #livingsingle or maybe putting the pieces of your life back together after a breakup or split—take your time. It will all come together eventually and it will look amazing. And before you know it, it will start to look, like you. ttys
  • 𝒹𝒶𝓎 16 𝑜𝒻 31

Hot. No, it’s not what you think. As a matter of fact, when I first saw this picture I was horrified. I saw all that was wrong with my body, my hair and my skin—ugh. 
But you know what? No one’s perfect. And thank God I don’t have to be. Plus, my body was/is working just fine, my hair was moisturized, and my skin was poppin’. Trying to shift my moments of self-doubt and body-consciousness to thankfulness and positive self-talk. 
Also, the day this was taken was HOT, so it still counts towards today’s #augusteyecandy.

I don’t know if anyone’s told you today, but you’re made splendidly and you couldn’t be more perfect than you are right now—yes, even in this heat with your mascara running down your face. ttys 
S/O to @kayzilch and/or her awesome fiancé, Michael for this pic 📸
  • 𝒹𝒶𝓎 14 𝑜𝒻 31

It’s crazy to think that I’ve actually posted one picture on IG for TWO weeks straight. Especially considering all that’s been going on around me: moving back across the country for school, moving into my new place, actually starting school, remembering how to (somewhat) adult—throw in a little bit of anxiety, and you’ve got yourself the past two weeks of my life. 
All that to say—we made it, folks. We made it to today. And that is enough. You’re doing great—ttys
  • TW: Anxiety/Panic Attack

Anxiety is like a shadow that’s been following me around since I was about thirteen. I guess puberty marked the onset of racing thoughts, subtle hyperventilation and that queasy feeling you get when something’s just not right. I had my first panic attack at nineteen, during a new hire orientation. It felt like I was having a heart attack—my heart inexplicably began to race, my hands shook and I felt warmth all around me. 
I excused myself to the reception area and, in a panic, asked the receptionist if she could help me. She said to place my hands above my head and breathe. I paced around the lobby and breathed, eyes closed. Inhale. Exhale. I worried for a moment that I would die. Then gradually, my heart began to beat at normal pace again. My breathing deepened and my body cooled down to normal as I continued to pace, slower this time. The kind receptionist gave me some water to sip and sat me down until I was ready to go back to the meeting. 
Anxiety can feel like a high-speed train. Going 5mph one minute and 150 mph the next. It can also be subtler, feeling like you can’t quite catch your breathe and you begin to hyperventilate, in a way that is only recognizable to you. 
Although I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, anxiety has taught me the importance of coming back to the present. And how allowing myself to feel what is presently around me, can ground me and remind me that I’m alive. I’m safe. 
I share this story in order to start the conversation. Anxiety is a part of my life, whether I like it or not. I hope you know that first of all:

1. You are loved beyond measure and valuable even with your anxious thoughts and actions 
2. You are not the only one 

Follow Me!