First of all, I can do this. I’m writing this to myself so that every time I read this, I have to say this to myself.
I can do this.
What is “this” exactly? This is my commitment to loving my body. Or, my re-commitment to loving my body. Since going back to school, I’ve been keenly aware of how poorly I’ve been treating this vessel I call home. During school, stress was inevitable, as I am a perfectionist in most of what I do and I put entirely too much pressure on myself to get things to be just so. As a result of this perfection-induced stress–
I have gained weight.
Even typing that out makes me cringe. I have gained weight and I can see that my body is storing fat in places that I’d rather it not. And I’m ready for a change. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said that to myself over the past 26 years of my life. I’ve always been a bit overweight and “thicker” than many of my peers, so the idea of losing weight makes me want to just gouge my eyeballs out—at least that way I wouldn’t even see that my body has changed.
It’s funny, because when you’re young, you hear people who have a few years (or decades) on you telling you things to expect when you reach a certain age. This comes, of course, from their own experience. But when you’re young, you don’t really believe that will ever happen to you.
I remember someone once telling me that once she hit 25 her body changed almost overnight—at least, that’s how it felt. She couldn’t just eat like she once used to and even had to cut out some things that she never before had reactions (acne, bloating, etc.) to. And when I tell you that this was my life for the past few months, I’m so serious. It’s as if my entire body just decided to make a shift without consulting me and now I’m trying to figure out how to work with it. How rude.
But in all seriousness, I want a change.
My eating habits aren’t the worst ever, but they’re not great. I am a serious sugar fiend and with a familial history of diabetes and hypertension, I’m positive those habits are not sustainable for me living a long, healthy life. If I’m honest, I’m not 100% certain where I’ll start, but I think I will try to be more aware of my body.
I’ve lost touch with my vessel.
After sleepless nights ignoring my body’s fatigue in order to meet a deadline, or sitting in terribly un-ergonomically correct ways rather than listening to my body’s aches and pops, and after putting regular exercise on the back burner—I’ve lost touch with my vessel.
Side note: This swimsuit is the first two-piece I’ve worn in a while. I feel like a million bucks when I’m in it and I wanted to recommend Aerie brand for anyone looking for flattering swimwear.
This post is not sponsored–just helpful.
And now, I’m ready to make peace with it. All of it. With its rolls, bumps, scars—all of it. Because I love my body and am so proud of what it’s carried me through and what it’s capable of doing.
They say, “insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result”. Personally, I think I’ve been doing the same things and expecting a different result for a long time. It’s so simple isn’t it? Do something different and then you can expect that something different to happen as a result.
I think it’s about time that I started living in a way that promotes my physical and mental health. Here’s to my body. May I accept you just as you are. May I treat you in a way that honors you, and does not tear you down. #theoppositeofinsanity
Have you ever had to apologize to your body for how you’ve treated it?
What would you say if you did?