From the Diary of a Single Girl: Aren’t You Tired of Waiting?

Aren't You Tired of Waiting? - Hat in the sun
PART OF THE SINGLE WOMAN’S BLOGGING CHALLENGE
CHECK OUT PART ONE & TWO & THREE & FOUR & FIVE HERE.

 

Joy Beth Smith. Remember that name, folks. If not now, you will. 

I’ve been reading—no, pouring over her first ever published book, Party of One: Truth, Longing and the Subtle Art of Singleness—and ya’ll, I’m shook. 

I’ll get into a more detailed review of the book in a later post, but for now I thought I’d share a bit about my journey through singleness and how this question of: What are you waiting for? comes into play. 

I’ve mentioned it before, but in singleness, there are moments that just plain suck. And those moments make you want to just crawl back into bed—if you even bothered to emerge from your covers in the first place—and spend the day wallowing in self-pity and Netflix binges. I wallow, in retrospect, because sometimes I think I can’t and shouldn’t do certain things alone. 

We put too much aside as we wait for marriage. There are the predictable things, like swanky pots and pans that we’re unwilling (or unable) to spend a fortune on, but also experiences and trips and relationships we keep looking at and saying ‘not yet.’

JB is right, when she then interjects and asks herself, “well, why the heck not?

What the heck am I waiting for? More specifically, who the heck am I waiting on? When I dig deeper and ask myself this question, the answer is a resounding—“me”.

Can I be real for second?

I second-guessed my decision to go to grad school on more than one occasion. 

And no, it wasn’t because it was over 2,000 miles away from the life I knew and loved for over 20+ years. It was because I worried that my pursuit of higher education would get in the way of me finding someone—or rather, him finding me. 

I know. Even typing that out sounds super lame and a little desperate. But I would be lying to you if that’s not how I felt at times during that season of my life. A little lame and a little desperate. 

I was so caught up in this idea that if I’m too busy pursuing my ACTUAL DREAMS, that I’d miss out on someone who was looking for me. 

Was I so caught up in this idea of even a tiny possibility of romance that I was really about to forgo all that I’d worked so hard for? 

Aren't you tired of waiting - girl looking to the sun

Well, yeah. I was THAT caught up. I’d read the statistics. Black women are the least likely to marry among all races. And the more educated that woman is, the more her “marriageability” at least in the eyes of society, plummets. Well, doesn’t that make you just want to go and apply for a PhD program? 

My numbers were low as it was, in terms of relationships with men and dates I’d gone on. Adding a degree to the equation just didn’t seem to bode well when looking at those stats. 

But, then it hit me. I was missing a key component in this pythagorean theorem-esque love equation the world was selling, and I was buying into. God is bigger than any statistic or factoid out there. His plan reigns supreme and unstoppable. Nothing I can do/not do/stop doing could ever get in the way of His ultimate purpose and plan for my life. 

Even especially my romantic life. 

It was time to have a real conversation with Him. Because listening to the white noise the world constantly replayed over and over in my head became deafening. And I needed to turn to the only One who’s voice speaks ultimate truth. 

Should I still go, Lord? Will you still work with me on this area of my life, even if the stats are working against me? Even if I’m worried it will never happen for me? 

His answer—a resounding, “yes”. 

legs - what are you waiting on?

Looking back, even the idea of what I was asking myself back then—only a mere 12 months ago—makes me cringe. I think about all the opportunities I would have missed had I chosen to listen to that fear in the back of my mind. In the deepest part of my longing heart. 

What I have in mind for my life is good. But what God has in mind is extraordinary.

You see, we singles can sit and wait all we want. For God to bring him or her into our lives and “make things better”. But we’ll be waiting a long time, friends. No one can make your life, except for you. No one can give your life meaning, aside from God. 

So what is it exactly that you’ve been waiting to do because of your singleness, prolonged or otherwise?

Get a dog? 

Buy a real couch and finally decorate your apartment? 

Travel to South America?

Move across the country? 

This next question is a simple one, but one that nevertheless needs both my own answer and yours:

What are you waiting for? 

What are you waiting on?

4 Comments
Leighann

Twenty-something, lover of Jesus. I like animals (esp. dogs), Fun-Fetti cupcakes and yoga. I love God and do my best to love others. I hate too-warm weather and socks that fall into your shoes when you walk. I'm a huge fan of Christian rap and cold, sunny days.

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4 Comments

  • Heather

    I’ve been single for nearly a decade, but I honestly don’t mind it! I’ve always liked being alone, though, so maybe it’s just me!

    • Leighann

      Leighann

      Thanks for reading and sharing, Heather! There’s definitely perks to singleness, so I hear you!

  • Ashley Rae

    I am not and have never waited on anything! The statistics are true, but the Universe has a way of putting things in divine order. Also with a little initiative. It’s okay to speak to the guy you think is cute it just might get you what you’re wanting! Good read!

    • Leighann

      Leighann

      Thanks so much, Ashley! Definitely. Be bold. Take risks. And make things happen. I am here for all of it!

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  • 𝒹𝒶𝓎 18 𝑜𝒻 31

Obsession. I like to say photography is my love language—I have no idea what that means, but it sounds nice, right? I’m obsessed with taking pictures and learning more about composition, editing and trying new things with my little @canonusa baby. *accidentally deleted my post from yesterday—so here it is again*
  • This is not a drill—it’s a GIVEAWAY! 
Meet Kayla (@kayzilch). Though we’ve met just recently, I immediately recognized her as a kindred spirit (she’s also a Type-4 Enneagram)! Her writing is real, authentic and delves into an array of important topics such as mental health, identity, faith and much more on her blog @tobetruth_. She’s also working to become a certified yoga teacher and is passionate about her work as a freelance writer! 
Meet Meghan (@meghantschanz). I’ve never met a woman so determined and passionate about creating authentic community and tackling tough topics. She’s not afraid to go there and start conversations about real-world issues like sex- and labor-trafficking around the world, feminism (or lack thereof) within the church and equality for ALL. She’s currently working on securing a book deal, with the goal of empowering women around the globe to recognize their influence in society and their ability to make the world a more equal place. 
These women are doing some amazing things and I’m honestly just excited to come along for the ride. I believe in us, the work we’ve been called to do and I hope, after learning more about us, you will too. To celebrate and continue advocating for causes we believe in, we’re doing a giveaway with @causebox. 
Here’s where you come in:

1. Give this post a (♡) double tap.

2. Go follow @meghantschanz & @kayzilch.

3. After you’ve done both of those things, come back here and tag two women whose life, work and friendship you believe in! 
The prize is a summer-themed @causebox valued at $300, packed full of small-batch, sustainable and ethically created gifts made by women and small businesses around the world. 
Winner will be announced Friday (8/24) morning at 10am EST!
  • 𝒹𝒶𝓎 17 𝑜𝒻 31

Blue. I’ve been looking for a way to fill my ginormous (at least it seems that way) white living room wall. Every time I thought I knew how I wanted to decorate that space, I changed my mind suddenly, determined that there had to be a better way to fill the empty 
space.

I didn’t know this about me before, but it hit me one day, as my parents were helping me unpack my stuff in my new place. My mom began asking me what I’d like my new place to look like, rug colors, mat textures, wall—fixtures and all. I am no good at decorating. Like, I had no idea how to put a space together. I’ve never been on my own before and the idea of having to decide how my space would be...mine, freaked me out. 
But then, little by little I found some pieces that I didn’t hate, and started to put them together. And yesterday, I stumbled upon these little treasures at Marshall’s. I couldn’t resist the ocean hues and beach vibes. I knew it was meant to be. 
All that to say, for anyone else struggling to put your place together after either never having to do it before #livingsingle or maybe putting the pieces of your life back together after a breakup or split—take your time. It will all come together eventually and it will look amazing. And before you know it, it will start to look, like you. ttys
  • 𝒹𝒶𝓎 16 𝑜𝒻 31

Hot. No, it’s not what you think. As a matter of fact, when I first saw this picture I was horrified. I saw all that was wrong with my body, my hair and my skin—ugh. 
But you know what? No one’s perfect. And thank God I don’t have to be. Plus, my body was/is working just fine, my hair was moisturized, and my skin was poppin’. Trying to shift my moments of self-doubt and body-consciousness to thankfulness and positive self-talk. 
Also, the day this was taken was HOT, so it still counts towards today’s #augusteyecandy.

I don’t know if anyone’s told you today, but you’re made splendidly and you couldn’t be more perfect than you are right now—yes, even in this heat with your mascara running down your face. ttys 
S/O to @kayzilch and/or her awesome fiancé, Michael for this pic 📸
  • 𝒹𝒶𝓎 14 𝑜𝒻 31

5pm. 
It’s crazy to think that I’ve actually posted one picture on IG for TWO weeks straight. Especially considering all that’s been going on around me: moving back across the country for school, moving into my new place, actually starting school, remembering how to (somewhat) adult—throw in a little bit of anxiety, and you’ve got yourself the past two weeks of my life. 
All that to say—we made it, folks. We made it to today. And that is enough. You’re doing great—ttys
  • TW: Anxiety/Panic Attack

Anxiety is like a shadow that’s been following me around since I was about thirteen. I guess puberty marked the onset of racing thoughts, subtle hyperventilation and that queasy feeling you get when something’s just not right. I had my first panic attack at nineteen, during a new hire orientation. It felt like I was having a heart attack—my heart inexplicably began to race, my hands shook and I felt warmth all around me. 
I excused myself to the reception area and, in a panic, asked the receptionist if she could help me. She said to place my hands above my head and breathe. I paced around the lobby and breathed, eyes closed. Inhale. Exhale. I worried for a moment that I would die. Then gradually, my heart began to beat at normal pace again. My breathing deepened and my body cooled down to normal as I continued to pace, slower this time. The kind receptionist gave me some water to sip and sat me down until I was ready to go back to the meeting. 
Anxiety can feel like a high-speed train. Going 5mph one minute and 150 mph the next. It can also be subtler, feeling like you can’t quite catch your breathe and you begin to hyperventilate, in a way that is only recognizable to you. 
Although I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, anxiety has taught me the importance of coming back to the present. And how allowing myself to feel what is presently around me, can ground me and remind me that I’m alive. I’m safe. 
I share this story in order to start the conversation. Anxiety is a part of my life, whether I like it or not. I hope you know that first of all:

1. You are loved beyond measure and valuable even with your anxious thoughts and actions 
and 
2. You are not the only one 
ttys

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