That moment when you want to reach for your goals, but you won’t let yourself be great.
It was a normal early–no, seriously. Nobody should have to get up THAT early on a Saturday, ever.
It was a normal, early Saturday morning. And there I was, about to step on my lifelong, mortal enemy–the scale. At WeightWatchers, for optimal success, they suggest you attend the weekly meetings and weigh yourself once per week. I’ve been in the program since November or so, and I have to say they’re sort of right. I’ve been overweight most of my life. Over the years, I grew more and more tired of the scale’s smug digital face looking back at me. So, I just started believing that losing weight would just be a far off dream for me. Something that I would always try to attain, but fail at miserably.
Even though some of the WeightWatchers’ commercials leave me a bit perplexed with a not-so-subtle side eye, there is something to this program. I’ve been able to lose weight and change some, once unhealthy patterns for the better.
I have come to understand the importance of community and having others around me who are on the same journey to live a healthier lifestyle. It’s encouraging! So there I was, about to step up onto the platform of doom and be assessed by one of the chief commissioners of doom and learn my fate. Just kidding, she’s actually a such a sweet lady. Plus, she’s super encouraging and always gives me a pat on the back and sometimes, even a sticker or two!
As soon as I stepped onto the scale and watched as the digital numbers calibrated my weight, my stomach churned. I already kind of knew what she would tell me, but it still made my stomach drop when the scale finally settled on a number and she printed out the results. Handing it over to me, she said ever-so-sweetly, “Well, you’re up 2 pounds.”
Like I said, it’s not like it came as much of a surprise to me to hear and SEE that I’d gained since the last time I weighed in–two weeks ago. But it still stung a bit, just knowing I was right. Thankfully, through some maturity and self-love work, I’ve been able to take these setbacks and understand that that is exactly what this was–a setback. Not an end. Just another starting point. Another encouragement to keep going.
At the end of our meeting, I was speaking with a fellow WeightWatcher and she expressed her frustration with herself. “I just can’t seem to get over this hump, you know? I haven’t lost more than two pounds this year so far. I’ve just gained and lost the same two pounds since January and I don’t know why.”
I felt it. I really did. Deep in my heart. I felt it because I had the same frustration. Why is it that I too have been stuck at the same weight since December? What was I doing wrong?
It wasn’t until I was home that I recalled a topic we had discussed a few weeks ago in a past meeting. One of the vets, aka a WeightWatchers Lifetime member, in the group expressed what was working for them as they hit yet another milestone in their weight loss journey. They said, “It kind of all started clicking for me when I stopped getting in my own way and realized that I was sabotaging my success.”
And that was it. That’s all it took for me to realize that it wasn’t anything I was doing or not doing eating-wise, or even physically. It’s was me, subconsciously sabotaging my own success.
Why would I sabotage something so important and beneficial to my life? Especially since I was seeing and feeling great results!
Perhaps it’s not so much the fear of not reaching success, but rather the fear of actually reaching it.
Hear me out.
When I look back in my life, I can pinpoint other times when I’ve sabotaged my own success or hitting my goals. And they have nothing to do with weight. I look back at my fear of applying to graduate school, procrastinating way past the posted deadline. I can see my sad attempts at dating, only to find fault in every guy that came along and showed interest. And even the times when I started writing on this very blog, only to distract myself scrolling through IG, or some other mindless activity until all creative juices were dried up and gone.
It’s not that I didn’t want to succeed in those areas of my life–I did! But maybe it was that I was scared of what would happen if I did. It’s like the beautiful possibility of the what-if is more terrifying than the actual process to get there.
How then am I supposed to accomplish anything if I am terrified of succeeding? Well, I can’t. I have to want it more than I am afraid of it.
As I move forward in my weight loss journey and, just life journey, here are a few things I am working towards in order to avoid self-sabotaging:
Stop overthinking it and just do it.
I am a professional over thinker–like I should win a Nobel Peace Prize, or at least a gold medal. But sometimes overthinking can lead to a big, fat nada. Overthinking for me tends to make me burn out quickly, extinguishing any chance of reigniting whatever motivation I had in the first place.
Take a chance and embrace possibilities.
Along the lines of quitting my overthinking habit, is this idea that I should really have more confidence in myself and what I am capable of. Maybe I should just say, ‘yes’ and see what happens instead of running through all the what-ifs and ridiculous scenarios that race through my mind.
You get in what you put out–do your best and see what happens.
More than being afraid of it, I need to want to work towards my goals. There will always be more, because we’re always learning and growing. I need to take the time I have now to complete this goal list so I can make room for all those future-me goals and dreams.
“Let me be great!”
What do you think?
Have you ever self-sabotaged yourself in pursuit of your goals or dreams?
What steps are you going to take to stop and let yourself be great?