From the Diary of a Single Girl: Why Are You Still Single?

Sunflowers in hand
Part 1 of the Single Woman’s Blogging Challenge

“You’re so great, though.

I don’t know why you’re still single.” 

So, maybe I haven’t gotten this exact question before.

I think it’s because over time, people have gotten a little more tact and realized that asking this question could be taken offensively.

Uh, go figure. 

But if someone did decide to be adventurous and overly-curious, and they asked me point-blank, “Why are you still single, though?” I’d probably look at them weird.

Like one of those Ice Cube snarls type of weird.

Why Are You Still Single?

And then I’d ponder. Because I too have asked myself this question probably about one million and two times…in the last month. I’m kidding.

Or am I? 

But, seriously I’ve voiced my desires again and again on this blog. And I’ve voiced them again and again to the Lord, and yet here I am.

Still single and still voicing those desires.

But you know what? That’s okay.

It’s okay to desire companionship and it’s okay to ask the Lord for provision in any area you feel that you’re lacking in. He expects it–not only that–he honors it. If I can tell you one thing about my God and His faithfulness and grace, it’s that it never runs empty or dries up. It’s overflowing and freely given to those who simply ask for it. 

Now, this doesn’t mean that if you just pray really hard, join 12 Bible studies and are really, really good that week, He will bless you with the all longings of your heart.

But if we seek Him and desire to do His good and perfect will, I’m confident that we will get to see Him work in our lives in more awesome ways than we could have ever imagined. 

So…why am I still single?

To be perfectly honest with you, I don’t technically know why. But I do know that God has me in this season for a reason. He’s humbled me and taught me more about myself and my brokenness this year than ever before.

And I’m thankful.

I’m grateful to learn about those hidden scars and open wounds that still mar my soul. It’s painful, sure. Embarrassing–yeah, this is also true. But I’m overjoyed that He is faithful to help heal and mend my broken pieces. 

While I couldn’t begin to know the answer to the question above…

Here are some of my theories:

I’m a late-bloomer.

At least that what my mom says. I think she just says this to make me feel better. But seriously, it could be true. I’ve learned a lot about myself in these past 25 years of life, and one thing I know to be incredibly true is that I am late to the party most of the time. Figuratively and literally, unfortunately–sorry, friends!

My social circle isn’t that wide. 

Hello? Introvert, remember? This one’s a stretch only because if you know me, you know that I like to keep busy and get involved with a lot of things at once. But maybe that’s just it. Sometimes I think I take on so much that I lose out on making those deep and real, intimate connections with others because I’m so busy jumping into the next thing. 

I’m still learning about who I am and what I’m looking for.

Aren’t we all? But seriously–I’m still figuring out what I’m going to do with my life, let alone who I’m going to spend it with! God’s still dealing with me and this stubborn heart of mine. He’s re-shaping and molding it to look more like Jesus’ everyday. It’s hard–I’ll be the first to say it–and I question Him more than I’d like to admit, but somehow my heart just knows He’s got this. Here’s to remembering it when things get hard!

I just haven’t found that certain, special someone yet. 

Some days, I’ll admit, I buy into the world’s scare tactic of “oh, you’re going to end up forever alone and be part of the pitiful, bitter unmarried club!” But then the Lord gently reminds me of who He is. He is God of the impossible. Nothing is too hard, too crazy or too far-out-of-reach for Him. If He has plans for me, then I’m golden. What those plans are needn’t concern me. I just need to rest in the fact that He’s got it all under His control. 

What do you think?

Are you single? Why? 

Feel free to give me one of these for asking:

11 Comments
Leighann

Twenty-something, lover of Jesus. I like animals (esp. dogs), Fun-Fetti cupcakes and yoga. I love God and do my best to love others. I hate too-warm weather and socks that fall into your shoes when you walk. I'm a huge fan of Christian rap and cold, sunny days.

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11 Comments

  • Ashley

    I loved this! Take this time to continue on getting to know your inner self! Self love is the first love and I must say it is the best love !

    • Leighann

      Leighann

      Thanks so much, Ashley – you’re so right! I am slowly learning that and actually prayed about that very thing yesterday. I’m looking forward to see how God moves in this area of my life. He’s already been so faithful in such BIG ways!

  • Ali

    Loved this! I’m still single as well and have the same theories as you. I haven’t really been putting myself out there, but I feel like I need to find my own way first before I get into a relationship.

    • Leighann

      Leighann

      Thanks for reading Ali! I think you’re absolutely right – if I’ve learned one thing this year about my singleness, it’s that in order to love well, I need to learn how to do that on my own first. And that includes finding out what makes me tick, what makes me come alive. Hoping the best for you, girl!

  • Porchia

    I am under that just haven’t found anybody special category. Still hopeful , just not in the forefront of my mind as much as it use to be.

    • Leighann

      Leighann

      Thanks for reading, Porchia – yeah, I’m trying to just trust that God will continue to prepare me for when I do meet someone great. It’s a process, and I’m glad to hear I’m not alone in it!

  • Jennifer

    I have been giving marriage and finding the right partner a lot of thought lately. Yet am willing to wait for God’s perfect will for me. I know God has lots of wonderful plans for me.

    • Leighann

      Leighann

      Hey Jennifer – thanks so much for reading! And AMEN to that, sis! He does indeed have marvelous plans for you and your future. Keep seeking His will, and I know you will continue to see His power at work in your life!

  • Lo from CBSDaily

    I love your post, because you’re not looking at it in a sad way, you’re trusting in your plan. I think God had great things planned for all of us and you’re busy building yourself up as an amazing woman, and the rest will follow suit! Great post girl.

    • Leighann

      Leighann

      Thanks, Lo – I needed to hear that encouragement! Thanks so much for reading and for your supportive words 🙂

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  • 𝒹𝒶𝓎 16 𝑜𝒻 31

Hot. No, it’s not what you think. As a matter of fact, when I first saw this picture I was horrified. I saw all that was wrong with my body, my hair and my skin—ugh. 
But you know what? No one’s perfect. And thank God I don’t have to be. Plus, my body was/is working just fine, my hair was moisturized, and my skin was poppin’. Trying to shift my moments of self-doubt and body-consciousness to thankfulness and positive self-talk. 
Also, the day this was taken was HOT, so it still counts towards today’s #augusteyecandy.

I don’t know if anyone’s told you today, but you’re made splendidly and you couldn’t be more perfect than you are right now—yes, even in this heat with your mascara running down your face. ttys 
S/O to @kayzilch and/or her awesome fiancé, Michael for this pic 📸
  • 𝒹𝒶𝓎 14 𝑜𝒻 31

5pm. 
It’s crazy to think that I’ve actually posted one picture on IG for TWO weeks straight. Especially considering all that’s been going on around me: moving back across the country for school, moving into my new place, actually starting school, remembering how to (somewhat) adult—throw in a little bit of anxiety, and you’ve got yourself the past two weeks of my life. 
All that to say—we made it, folks. We made it to today. And that is enough. You’re doing great—ttys
  • TW: Anxiety/Panic Attack

Anxiety is like a shadow that’s been following me around since I was about thirteen. I guess puberty marked the onset of racing thoughts, subtle hyperventilation and that queasy feeling you get when something’s just not right. I had my first panic attack at nineteen, during a new hire orientation. It felt like I was having a heart attack—my heart inexplicably began to race, my hands shook and I felt warmth all around me. 
I excused myself to the reception area and, in a panic, asked the receptionist if she could help me. She said to place my hands above my head and breathe. I paced around the lobby and breathed, eyes closed. Inhale. Exhale. I worried for a moment that I would die. Then gradually, my heart began to beat at normal pace again. My breathing deepened and my body cooled down to normal as I continued to pace, slower this time. The kind receptionist gave me some water to sip and sat me down until I was ready to go back to the meeting. 
Anxiety can feel like a high-speed train. Going 5mph one minute and 150 mph the next. It can also be subtler, feeling like you can’t quite catch your breathe and you begin to hyperventilate, in a way that is only recognizable to you. 
Although I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, anxiety has taught me the importance of coming back to the present. And how allowing myself to feel what is presently around me, can ground me and remind me that I’m alive. I’m safe. 
I share this story in order to start the conversation. Anxiety is a part of my life, whether I like it or not. I hope you know that first of all:

1. You are loved beyond measure and valuable even with your anxious thoughts and actions 
and 
2. You are not the only one 
ttys
  • 𝒹𝒶𝓎 13 𝑜𝒻 31

Home. For now anyways—is Georgia. The most asked question I get lately has been “Well? Are you gonna stay out there, or move back to California?” So, to help answer anyone’s burning question about my plans for the future, here it is:

Maybe. Maybe not. Let’s just get this last year down and then talk specifics, shall we? Here’s to one of my last first days of school. 
To my fellow cohorts: May we grow. May we care for ourselves and others a little better each day. May we get up the hills to our classes in one piece #UGA
  • Wait, I can’t believe summer is over and I officially start my last year of my MSW program tomorrow! What is life? Time is flying by, and I’m just trying to soak up every moment ☀️
  • 𝒹𝒶𝓎 12 𝑜𝒻 31

Sunday morning. 
Mmmm, tacos 🌮 so far, I’m learning to enjoy this new life stage: also known as adulting. I’ll admit, at times it’s a little scary and a whole lot of trial and error, but I know it’s all a part of the plan—even if it sometimes feels like nothing is going according to plan 🤷🏾‍♀️ #adulting am I right? 
Faking it ‘til I make it since ‘92.

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